A few improvements

 It's been a few weeks since I posted and I am happy to say that things seem to be improving. Not on track every single day, but better than I was. 

I did really well at tracking my food that first week, but as soon as the weekend came, I forgot to track and haven't really tracked since. I hope to get back to that on a regular basis because it's the tracking that really wakes me up to the reality of what I'm eating during the day.  I tend to forget about the cracker here, piece of cheese there.  Weekends are hard and I'm not going to beat myself up about the fact that I don't track on the weekends right now. If I can be better during the week, that's a plus and maybe the habit will wear into the weekends too. My snacking has been under control for the most part, but when I track I don't tend to track at all so tracking needs to be a goal.  

Exercise has been good. I'm trying to ride the bike a minimum of 3 times as week and I also do my stretching 4-5 times a week. 

We haven't been socializing as much lately which also keeps the social wine here and there at a minimum. 

I started checking my blood pressure again and it's been looking good.  Hopefully sometime in the new year it will start really dropping and I can request a reduction in my medication. 

The sciatica pain that I had a month or so ago is all but gone. I can feel it creep in once and awhile but nothing like it was.  The stretching definitely helped that pain so I need to keep that up. 

One oddity is that after 8 months of no period, I had 2 days of very very light spotting. Nothing that I would have even cared about before but found it odd after so long. I made a note of it. 

Weight was down to 185.5 this morning. It was 189.6 at last post so I'm very happy with that. It has been yoyoing around a bit, but this was the lowest that it's been in a long time. If I can break down into the low 180s then hopefully it won't be long until I see the 170s again. My goal! 

Do the graphics make it more real?

I've been bitchin' and moanin' about my weight pretty much all summer. It's going up, what am I going to do? I'm going to get serious blah blah blah. 

Yet another week/weekend goes by where I start really well, the exercise is improving, but I know that it's the kitchen where the weight loss happens. I am good during the day when nobody is here but when everyone gets home from work, that's when it all blows up. Makes no sense, right?  I'm not the type of person that sits and snacks in a closet away from the judgement eyes. No. I'm the type that eats right in front of you, along with everyone else.  It's when they get home from work and want a snack that I join right in with them. 

Yesterday I tracked my lunch and I was sitting in a good position. Dinner was already planned to be some broccoli/cheese soup and a small salad with chicken. Which we did have.   And if I had only had that, my numbers would have been great and I could have been proud for the day. But instead... 

Here's a snapshot of my food yesterday. I had entered my lunch (first meal for the day) and then stopped. I entered the remaining food that I ate, this morning and above are the results. I overate again.  And what did I overeat on? Carbs... I snacked with my son when he got home from work. I ate pita chips and hummus and after dinner I ate regular sugar yogurt.  So nothing terrible at all, but out of plan and the little nips here and there are what throw me over my numbers and what is in the end, causing my weight gain. 

It's the damn snacking. I have to stop. 

I weighed in this morning and it was so much higher than my last weigh in that the app actually asked me if it was correct? Said that my new weight was considerable different from my last weigh in and did I still want to save the number! 

When I went in to show the graphic of my weight fluctuations?? It's not drastic, I know. It's a change of a little over 10 lbs, but it's the fact that it is just going up, up, up.. Over 12 months, this is what my weight has done.  I had control for a while and it was on it's way down and since the trip to Hawaii, it's been slowly creeping up. If I don't get a handle of it soon, it will keep heading in the wrong direction. 

I know I have to get serious. I know it's habits and I will break out of them. I'm hoping that looking at a few graphics that truly tell the story, will help me move forward in the right direction, because what I'm doing now, is not working. 

The Dreaded Sweats

It's been a while since I posted because there has been nothing to report.  I know in the back of my mind that this blog is for myself and to keep myself accountable so I need to be better about keeping it current. 

Here is my current. I have lost nothing, in fact I have gained. I saw 191 on the scale on sunday night and just about broke down and cried. 

Back in the spring I had worked hard to get in the mid 170s and I was proud of myself. I did the work to go on a spring holiday with the family. We went on the vacation and bam.. the weight just started to pile on during the months that followed. 

I don't think I've been terrible with my eating and although I'm not exercising daily, I have been doing my usual 3 days of cardio/strength a week. Things have not changed. 

Here's the thing.... my last period was April 5th! I've been on the slow train to menopause. It's been 194 days since my last period. So although I haven't done anything drastic food or exercise wise to account for the now 15 lb weight gain, I think I need to come to the realization that the perimenopause/menopause that is happening in my body is likely attributing to the gain and I need to adjust my way of thinking and acting. 

What used to work, is just not going to work any more. 

The last 2 months I have really seen a change in my body, both inside and outside.  The weight I'm sure is a big factor but I think the hormones are also creating a new me that I need to adjust to. 

My body aches more than it used to. I know if I sit on the couch or chair for too long and get up, I'm stiff. It's even gotten to the point where my son asked me why I was limping. 

I wake up multiple times in the night - usually 2 but can be up to 4 times a night with night sweats. 

I get flashes during the day. Nothing terrible and they seem to only last for 20-30 seconds or so but they are there. So much so that I don't think I will be able to wear sweaters this fall. Maybe a cardigan but I'm worried about being a walking oven and not having the ability to easily delayer. 

I've struggled with bad sciatica pain the last few months. Not in my glute but in my calf just below knee. I finally went to the chiropractor and she managed to work out a bad kink in my buttocks. It feels much better but when I sit for too long without moving or stretching, the pain starts to creep back in. 

So the old changes that worked so well for me, just don't work any longer. I need to find the new things that will work to keep this body moving and grooving into old age. 

First things first is that I have to get this weight off. It means I need to get back to tracking my food so I know where I am with calories.  I'm also going to focus on eating more protein as I know that I need more protein to help strengthen and build my muscles. 

Another thing I've started doing, mainly because of the sciatica pain, is to stretch daily. 15-20 minutes. It's been so helpful. My body is so tight but I have seen some improvement in just a week of stretching daily. 

Lastly, I need to reduce my alcohol intake. I don't drink a ton but on the weekend I really do enjoy a couple glasses of wine or a cocktail before dinner. It's just been part of my life for so long and it's just what we do when we go out with friends or have dinner parties. But I'm noticing that my sleep is much better on nights where I don't drink anything.  So I will need to make an effort of reducing my glasses of wine. 

So here's to getting old. *raising my glass of water*

Summer Struggles and Fall Hopes

I struggle every single summer. We socialize multiple nights of the week and most of the socializing involves food and drink. 

This summer has been no exception. It's been a great summer, but I'm feeling done with it.  We have one more bout of vacation coming up at the end of August, but I'm seriously considering giving it back. I do like the one last week to enjoy the summer before the cold and rain creeps in and everything gets dark and gloomy and if I was on track with food and exercise, I would welcome the vacation with open arms. But I'm just not there, at least right now. 

Today I'm back to work and routine after being off for 10 days. 10 days of great times, but lots of food and drinks and other than our casual biking with friends, ZERO exercise.  Our 10 days off included BBQ picnic at the local farm, dinners out with friends, 80 mile bike ride through Washington on the centennial bike trail, another 60 Mile bike ride to Victoria, BC with a lavish stay at the Oak Bay Beach Hotel and Spa, a few days of Golf and lots of visits with friends and family. 

I woke up today and felt a small fire burning under my butt. I checked my emails and then hopped on the bike for a quick 20 minute ride. A very slow, effortless ride, but 20 minutes regardless. Then I did a quick 30 minute upper body strength sesh and then a 20 minute very lax walk with the pups.  It felt GOOD! 

Not sure how I will feel tomorrow, both physically and mentally but the endorphins were endorphing today and I loved how it felt. 

Stepped on the scale too... 186.5. 

Gotta start somewhere right?! 

We continue...

I'm still struggling with my weight. It does not seem to be creeping up any longer but it's not dropping either.  It will drop a lb or 2 and then go up again. 

I'm still bloated, not in the same way that I was a few weeks back but I'm noticing much more "gas" than usual. I think I need to try dropping dairy to see if that improves things at all. 

I've also been tracking my blood pressure and it's been higher the last few weeks than before and I know that is because of the weight gain. 

I had been switching to weight training from cardio but I think I need to add the cardio back in. So instead of doing 3 strength training and 1 cardio a week I'm going to switch it and do 3 cardio and hopefully 1 to 2 strength a week.  

Still no period - I'm at 94 days now since my last one and I have been feeling PMS type symptoms for sure but nothing ever comes about. At this point, I hope I don't get another one and this is my entry into full menopause. The doctor says I have to be 1 year with no period to be considered in menopause. I had 5 cycles last  year so I know they are slowing down, but who knows if the last one that I had will be the official last one. 

It's been hot here as well. Today is 30 feels like 35 (86 feeling like 95 for those not in the Celsius world) I know it's not the crazy hot that those that live in the hot states and countries, but we don't have central air so anything above 22 (68) is hell in this house.  We do have air conditioners in our bedrooms so we can sleep at night comfortably. Don't really have the energy to get much done but hopefully the heat wave will only last a few days. 

That's it... keeping at it. SIGH

Getting Deeper

The Rut is getting deeper. 

I don't get it. I've reigned in the snacking. I've drastically reduced my carbs and I'm drinking more water. 

I've been tracking my weight daily and my weight keeps climbing. Well it started to drop last week and then started to rise again. 

UGH. 

I'm getting very discouraged. 

It's been 73 days since my last period so I don't know if my body is holding onto weight for that reason or if something else is going on. Maybe it's hormonal? 

I've been bloated. Like soooo soooo bloated. It's been going on for a few weeks and it's even been painful at times. I have started taking magnesium at night which seems to have had a bit of improvement but I still feel so puffy. 

I'm going to keep going because what other choice do I have? Hoping to see some sort of loss next week. 

Rut

A rut. That is what I'm in. 

I will make better choices, better decisions for a day and then I'm right back into doing things and eating things that I know I should not. Things that I can't do or eat as I know they are not part of the plan to better "ME"

I've been struggling to get back into a rhythm since returning from vacation. First it was a bunch of birthday parties/celebrations, then mothers day, then my birthday and now father's day is upon us. I just can't keep making bad decisions during these celebrations. I need to reel it in and NOW!

Here is weird thing that I have discovered about myself.  I find that once I reach a GOAL, I tend to release the pressure and in a way, give up. I do this both physically and mentally. The first time  that I can recall doing this was during my eldest son's graduation from high school. I worked super hard to lose a bunch of weight, it happened, grad happened, we celebrated and then I could not get back into good habits. 

Then it happened again a few years ago when I started eating low carb and exercising, I lost the weight, got down to the 170s where I wanted so desperately to be and then the weight started creeping up. Not drastically, but I could not get down again to where I was when I met my "goal". 

And now, in April, my goal was to get ready for Hawaii and even though I did not get exactly where I wanted to, I was in a good pattern and making good habits and then the "goal" of hawaii passed and I am back where I usually am, giving up.  

It really makes me not want to set goals. But how else do we measure success? If its not on a scale or a size of clothing, how do we know we are doing the right things? 

As of yesterday I was back to 185. I haven't been doing anything crazy with my eating or drinking etc, but it's the little things that just add up. It's also me not taking accountability. Before I went to Hawaii I would weigh in daily and I kept track of my weight on a spreadsheet. I would see the ups and downs and it kept me accountable. I now weigh myself maybe every 3 or 4 days. When I saw the 185 yesterday morning, I almost threw up. I was 176 on the day we left for Hawaii so I'm almost 10 lbs up in just over a month. 

So goals have to be in my future and I need to learn to reach them and push on through them. I am not usually one for setting number goals like desired lbs to drop, so I have to set action goals. 

My first goal is to weigh in and track my weight each day this week. I need to get back on track with the accountability. 

I have to return to no snacking after work. I know that one is biting me in the butt by adding a bunch of unnecessary calories that are ending up my body and on the scale.  

I also find that when I don't post here, I don't do as well. It's my way to be accountable to myself and anyone that cares to have a read once and awhile. Somehow, writing it down, makes it that much more real. 

It's almost the summer. We socialize a lot more with friends and family in the summer and most of that socialization is with food/drink. I need to get a handle on it now so that my weight does not spiral out of control in the summer. 

I can do this... I've done it before. Time for another reset.