Regroup

Had my annual exam on monday (which was a year late)... oops, and it went well. I guess as far as exams go, that is.  My blood pressure was screaming high but it always is as I get so nervous and anxious just being in the room and just wearing a sheet doesn't help either. 

So doc took my word that my BP is normal at home but no adjustments to my meds just yet. He was happy with my weight and even mentioned it a few times. I was down about 10 lbs from 2 years ago. So not fabulous but good to see that I've kept it off. He said I'm down about 25 in 4 years. Again, not great, but down is better than up.  Unfortunately, there are many fluctuations in there where I was down much more and then up much more but we start where we start. 

So wednesday weigh in today shows 174.2.  Up from where I was a few weeks ago before Dad passed but still reasonable and a good place to regroup. 

Need to focus on tracking and water (my usual devils) and really try to get down the 15 or so that I want by my birthday (end of May), so I have time, but I know it's been a struggle this past year.  Honestly, I'd be really happy with 10, but 15 would be ultimate goal. 

Since my dry January, I have noticed that even though I'm drinking less wine on the weekends, it still affects my weigh ins and I think the main reason is that I just don't track the wine glasses and I need to. If I want wine, I am going to have to leave calories for it. That's all there is to it. 

So my vow this week is to track as best I can and see if that helps kick start another loss. I do like my LCD - low calorie days, so I will keep those up as well but maybe shift them around a bit rather than on monday and thursday. 

Tomorrow I have to go for blood work, so fasting tonight but that should be ok because I stop eating at 7pm every night anyways. 

cloud

I feel like I am coming out from under my cloud. I am feeling better, more energy and able to come to terms that Dad is no longer here. 

We still have the funeral to deal with but with health restrictions we are limited to 10 people anyways so it will be small, whatever we decide to do. Unfortunately, along with death and planning comes with it, arguments and disagreements with family members. 

We all want something a little different. We all want to celebrate Dad in a different way and there is no right way. After stressing myself out the last few weeks about how to deal with my annoying sister, I have decided to just let it go.  As my brother says to me, the funeral is a drop in the ocean as to the meaning of life and death. The one hour that we spend doing exactly what she wants, is just that. One hour. I will have the rest of my life to celebrate Dad in my own way. 

Just wish it could be easier. 

My eating has been messed. I'll go 2 days having little to nothing and then eat a bag of candy in one sitting. My weight is reflecting all of that. 

I'm taking a break from posting my weight for a bit as I don't need the added stress. I'm getting stuff back on track as I don't want to totally derail everything I've done but I know seeing/posting a high number tomorrow will just mess me up. 

I have my physical next monday with Doc which a good time to get a full regroup on my health. Well, I've already started but that will be an official regroup/restart. 

The sun is shining today. No snow, no rain. I'll take it! 

 

Dad

On Friday January 29th, I lost my dad. He was 87 and other than some aged slowness, he was relatively healthy. He didn't have covid or cancer or anything else. He was just getting a little older. 

He passed suddenly at home, while sleeping in his favorite chair. 

My world has been turned on it's head.  I no longer have any living parents. My children have lost the man that supported them with all his being. 

This has been a tough one and will take me some time to feel whole again. 

I miss you Dad.