Take 876

ok - so last week was just a warm up. I know I'm ready now. Today is Day 2. I will count yeserday as Day 1 even though I was horrible with food but it was big N's 13th birthday so there was bound to be food and cake... and there was.

Yesterday morning wi 206. So down .5 from last week. Not bad. Not great. Let's do this!

Today - water, toast and salad for lunch.

dinner is unknown but we can make good choices. I know we can. :)

A bit of a stumble out of the gates

Ok - so the good thing is that I'm more concious about what I'm eating and grazing on in the evenings. The bad thing is I still really struggle with "after school".. well actuall work, but I have always called it after school. The time when I walk in the door, throw my purse and bag on the stair case and head to the kitchen for a cookie, snack, what ever. I can't shake it. I'm so hungry when I get home. I think I need to plan for a mid afternoon snack (other than my banana) to keep me satisfied for the rest of the day.

Water intake has been better.

I've been home bored a lot in the evenings which tends to lead to snacking. I need to really work on that.

So the scale has not really moved, but it's not weigh in day until monday, so I still have time.

UGH. ...why can't it be easy.

Going to fill up my water bottle and come up with a plan for lunch.

A fresh start

I have not been around for awhile - and guess what? Yep, you guessed it. I have gained back all the weight that I lost. It's so depressing.

Just when I think that I'm on a road to doing the right thing, I take a break (vacation, what have you), and I fall off the wagon and usually I fall hard.

I really want to do this. I'm now 40. Ugh. I hate that and I dread going to the doctor for him to tell me I'm 40 and Fat. But I am. Not much I can do about that now.

So. Baby steps to getting on the right path again but there needs to be steps none the less.

My first step is this blog. For some reason when I'm on track, I blog and track my weight daily. I have not been doing this. Over the past few weeks,  I've been back and reading other's blogs and that seems to get me to want to be committed but I haven't made the full committment just yet.

I need to drink more water. I don't drink nearly enough. Right now I'm staring at my water bottle and i've only filled it up 2 times today and it's already 1pm. I should be on round 3 by now.  So more water.

Moving. I really need to start moving again. That is going to mean at night after work or in the gym at lunchtime. Regardless, I gotta do it.

I'm depressed that I'm heading to the cabin this summer and I won't be strong enough AGAIN to get up on the knee board.

Hopefully this is the path I can choose and next year I'll be strong enough.

1. Blog
2. Water
3. Move

and let's throw in no cookies as well.
4. No cookies.

Good luck me!

Let's see where this takes us. Today's weight 206.5. FUCK!

controlled by the number! The dreaded Number!

You know what I'm talking about. The dreaded number on the scale, the dreaded number of the size of jeans that you wear... those darn numbers that tell you that you are FAT!

I think I'm a reverse anorexic. I see myself skinny until I see a picture of myself. I look in the mirror and apart from the cellulite and scars, I think I'm decent looking. My ass is big, but it doesn't look as big in the mirror as I  know it is. My stomach feels somewhat flat, even though I know it's not.  As I strip down into my nothingness in the morning I look in the mirror and think... "yep - gotta be down another 5".. and then I step on the scale.

Motha @)O#(*@#*.... Not only am I not down 5 lbs, I'm either the same or up a lb or 2. I hate that scale. I hate that it controls my every emotion. It makes me happy for the day if it shows a loss and it kills my insides if it's higher than the day before. I hate it.

but I won't throw it out because it keeps me motivated and on track.. .as far as on track can be.

I'm the same flipping weight I have been for the last few weeks. I keep losing and gaining the same 2 lbs.

what's different. I'm not tracking my food. Especially my night time food. That is changing tonight.

I'm desperate to lose 3 lbs by Tuesday I'm flying to Hawaii the 20th of March.

Let's get serious people!!!

off to eat another cherry tomato.

BIZNITCHES!!!

3 weeks

I have 3 weeks to go until I leave for Hawaii. I had a very successful weekend shopping and managed to find 2 swimsuits and a few other items. YAY Me.

Down a few lbs too.

Gotta get serious. Maybe I can do 3 lbs this week?? Maybe?? Let's see!!!

Just over 3 weeks now

In a little over 3 weeks I will be on an airplane to paradise! I'm very excited but anxious at the same time about it. I can't wait to run my toes through the tropical sands of hawaii but we are vacationing with friends and although they are great friends, they are also "haut" friends. They will be sporting very sexy slinky clothes and I will look dumpy.

I'm disappointed that I did not take this opportunity to lose more weight. Actually I think I've only lost 5 lbs in total cause I keep yo-yoing back to my dreaded 203. UGH!

Well, I can take this 3+ weeks and grab the bull by the horns so to speak. I can do this. I can lose another few lbs (maybe 5?) and feel awesome about my self on vacation.

So - water, good clean food and no alcohol!

Let's do this bitch!

A check in...

I know nobody reads this thing so I don't know why I feel the need to update it. I think it's more of a mental check in for me!!

So.. I lost this week 1.5 lbs which is not too bad considering it was Superbowl weekend. I did not go to a Superbowl party but I did eat. :) of course!

Since Monday I've been bad. Eating cookies, chocolate etc. Bad bad bad.

I need to be better. I need to  keep exercising and I need to stay connected. Mentally

Ok.... let's continue on this path, it seems to be taking us somewhere

So I did two things last week that seem to have made some difference:

1. I started taking PGx about 30 minutes before I was scheduled to eat. This did two things - it actually pushed out my meals by about 30 minutes and also gave me an opportunity to have my mid day pills. Now it's going to cost me more money but so far they seem to be helping me curb my appetite mid day.

2. I started running again. Started up with the C25K again and I started on week 2. Going to start doing a few days at the gym at work so I can get it done faster and also it's nice to have my exercising done by the time I get home.

I'm down 1.5 lbs from last week.

I'll take it!

Goals this week - work out in the office 3 times and control snacking after work.


Tomorrow we will discuss financial goals to see where we are with it being end of january and everything.

:)

Much better day today..... so far

So - pat on the back for being a good girl last night and not pigging out totally on everything around me. There were opportunities to do so and I did not.
YAY ME

Today - I've switched a few things up and so far so good. First off, I'm going to start having breakfast a little earlier. I'm going to take my PGx at 7:45 and then have breakfast at 8:30. And then have my PGx at 11:15 and hopefully not have lunch until 12 or so. I want to start going to the gym so I will need to get on a new eating plan anyway.

I had a decent salad today and the calories were relatively high but hopefully the protein in the salad will keep me fuller longer.

Ok - down again on the scale - almost where I was on monday.... Hopefully tomorrow.

Peace out.

Best laid plans....

So the work day yesterday was a success. I managed to stay within normal eating bourndaries and not go crazy at all. I picked up Big N from practice and then went home.

I had to make him dinner when he got home because he was going to have another practice that night and also little R had a game. So we had one hour.

I made him a few grilled cheese sammiches and figured I would put together some left overs for myself.

THat is when the best laid plans because a torrential downpour of food into my gullett. I started by eating one wrap, then two, then a bite size carrot cupcake with cream cheese icing (by the way those are amazing!!!) and then 5 (yes 5) cookies.

Put me over my daily calories by about 800. Shame, utter shame.

Need to be in more control when I get home tonight.

Also promised myself that I would get moving tonight. not sure if that is going to happen now that it's raining so hard. But we will see.

Baby steps is the eating right.

breakfast in order - check
Lunch in order - check
Water - check

just need to worry about later snacks and dinner. 

Until tomorrow... oh I also was up 2 lbs on the scale from yesterday. Loser.

Reality check

57 days. That is what I have left to lose this weight - or lose a chunk of the weight to feel good about my self and good about getting on the beach. UGH!

I was really good all weekend. Watched what I ate, drank a ton of water and did not cheat with sugar or alcohol although I came really close on saturday night to opening a bottle of wine.

I am down .5 lbs this week. Not enough for me to feel good about how I'm doing but it's still moving the way it's supposed to go. I wanted to try and lose 2 lbs a week and I'm down 3.5 lbs in 3 weeks. Not good. I wanted to be at 6 by now.

Well - keep plugging. I might start running this week if it warms up a bit and stops raining for more than 3 minutes. I might go to the gym here at work tomorrow.

We will see.

So goals for today are water water water.... good food, stay within points.

Peace out.

Reflection and Motivation

To first mention - I was good yesterday. I went home, did not snack, had dinner and stayed relatively within the MFP calories (1200). I think I was at 1250 or something like that, but seriously, who the hell can live on 1200 calories a day. Not me...

So I was good, I drank my water, I stayed out of the cookie jar - so why do I get so angry at myself when I stand on the scale in the morning and don't see a major loss of 5 lbs? the scale went down .5 a lb but considering I'm still off 1 lb from where I was monday morning that still is not a loss. I need to get below the monday morning value to feel happy.

It's weird how our moods control how our day will pan out. When I lost the 1 lb this monday I was happy. Really happy. My monday was a good day. I was motivated all day at work, I had energy when I came home etc.

But then, Tuesday and wednesday I showed a gain... and my day felt blah (much like the weather). People will tell me to not weigh myself every day if I can't control the feelings that I get when I see the number but the fact of the matter is that the number that I see on the scale keeps me in control. If I don't weigh in every day, I tend to forget, eat and ultimately gain weight.

So, I will continue to try to be good, drink my water, stay within my calories etc. I will continue to weigh myself each and every morning in the buck nekedness of my bathroom and I will continue to feel elation or defeat each time I see that number. Oh well... as long as I know what it does to me and how I feel afterwards I think I can work with that. Actually maybe it will make me stronger in the end....

So I'm down .5 from yesterday. Yay.. I think.

goals today - drink my water, eat my calories, don't gorge when I go home...

peace.

Mid week check in

Well been doing relatively well. Had a plethora of garlic bread last night that I didn't plan on having so my calories were over.... but oh well.  I did track it though so I know where I went wrong. Also had no protein at dinner which can't happen again. It's wednesday, get back on the wagon today.

setting my goals for today:
- lots of water.
- Keep calories in check
- keep busy tonight so I don't eat. I need to do laundry.


I'm up since monday but I know that will go down.

oh and it's cold  - really cold - like -15 cold. brrrrrr

A New Year

A new year another shot at losing this weight.

My new years resolutions?
1. Take more pictures  - I have been very bad about this and last summer I don't think I took one picture.
2. Lose weight AGAIN
3. Start to pay down credit cards - took out a loan to get rid of highly financed cards. Will take me 4 years to pay off the loan but I don't care. Need to do it.


We have booked hawaii - Leaving on March 20 to the 29th. Very excited about going but need to lose some weight before we get there. Ideally I'd like to lose 20 lbs but I know that is probably unrealistic. But will try anyways.

Been at it for 2 weeks and have lost 3 lbs so far. Not bad even though I expected more in the first few weeks. Might start working out at lunch to see if that kick starts a higher weight loss as well.

So countdown to Hawaii -
63 days left.... just over two months.
17 lbs to go  - works out to about 2 lbs per week.

Wish me luck - I'll check in often as I think it keeps me motivated. Let's hope.