I considered not writing about this again but if I don't, I'm not being accountable and true to myself. If I don't write about it, it's not like it's not true and for ME, it's better to admit and try to fix it.
This week has been a struggle. I wrote about that last week and the struggle has continued. I have not been off the rails eating donuts and cookies but I have been "snacking" and cheating and not feeling good about it.
Everything in moderation is not for me. It may work for some but what it does is give me permission to eat what is bad for me. Until I can get into a mindset where I can have one cookie or a bite of something and be done with it, I have to avoid. I was at that point before christmas so I know I can get back there again but I need to keep the temptations at bay until I get there again.
My body does not like sugars and wheat. I have had a little bit of sugar each day over the last week and half, but as a result I have a flare up in my eczema and have developed a few "spots" on my legs again. It's a wheat intolerance but the sugar also triggers it. I'm itchy and having to use creams to keep it at bay. I can have a cookie once and awhile but I can't have one each day. It's just not part of my life anymore.
Not going to set any new goals this week other than to get back on track. Or as back on track as I can. It's warming up and the sun is shining so I want to be able to wear shorts soon and not worry about rashes and spots and regular blahness!
So the scale read 173.5 this morning.... AWFUL.. but deserved. Time to buckle down and get this shit done!
Monday, March 25, 2019
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Confessions
Ok... it's been a bad TOM week. Just so snacky. Feel the need to eat all the snacks so I'm going to just jot down what I've eaten the last few days that I should not have. I haven't been tracking my food so maybe if I just track the BAD stuff it will be more in my face that I've fallen off track this week.
These items may not seem like much, but they are enough to pull me into the high GI vortex where my body then holds onto water and I need to keep snacking. The sugar also makes me feel blah and sluggish. I know that my body does not like it, and for the most part I never seem to crave it but when I get a taste for it, damn, it's like a drug!
Sunday - Garlic bread 3/4 slice, peanut butter cookie 1/2, glass of red wine, 2 bite brownie
Monday - peanut butter cookie 3/4, 4 squares cookies and cream hershey bar,
Tuesday - dark chocolate cream, chocolate chip cookie, package of fruit snacks,
I think there is more as well but that is all that comes to mind right now. The common denominator here is the damn cookies. Bloody MIL. She brings them for the kids but they never eat them. They are going in the freezer today and the boys can pull them out when they need a snack.
I also need to go shopping... we have no veggies in the house to snack on.
These items may not seem like much, but they are enough to pull me into the high GI vortex where my body then holds onto water and I need to keep snacking. The sugar also makes me feel blah and sluggish. I know that my body does not like it, and for the most part I never seem to crave it but when I get a taste for it, damn, it's like a drug!
Sunday - Garlic bread 3/4 slice, peanut butter cookie 1/2, glass of red wine, 2 bite brownie
Monday - peanut butter cookie 3/4, 4 squares cookies and cream hershey bar,
Tuesday - dark chocolate cream, chocolate chip cookie, package of fruit snacks,
I think there is more as well but that is all that comes to mind right now. The common denominator here is the damn cookies. Bloody MIL. She brings them for the kids but they never eat them. They are going in the freezer today and the boys can pull them out when they need a snack.
I also need to go shopping... we have no veggies in the house to snack on.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
The small things...
I tend to worry so much about the silly number on the scale and I tend to shrug away the things that really matter in the journey.
I am a little over 9 months in and although I am not at the "number" that I want I do notice a bunch of things that are different than they were 9 + months ago.
1. Although I'm still on my BP meds, my BP is better than it has been in years. It's controlled and consistently at the lowest numbers that it's been since we discovered the high BP 4 years ago, although I believe it was much longer than that because I had high BP when I had my 2nd son 17 years ago! So although it's a work in progress, its on the right path. I may never get rid of my meds as both mom and dad both had high BP and although mom was pretty average in her weight and mobility, dad has been healthy for all his lift. He still to this day works out 3 days a week at the age of 85! But his BP is high, just something he has to live with.
2. I move much more efficiently. I was never really one to be in pain with my knees or other appendages but I did tire quickly. Especially if I ran or if I went for a brisk walk. I could feel the extra 40 lbs dragging me down somewhat and I didn't like it. I know if I had kept at the weight that I was that my knees would have started to hate me.
3. My wardrobe is sooooo much better. Well not really great as I still spend 85% of my time in workout wear but when I want to wear cute skinnier jeans, I wear them. And t-shirts don't constrict me around my spare tire when I sit. I was constantly adjusting my clothes or just wearing clothes that were too big so that I could hide myself. Not anymore. Although I still have "fluff" I am comfortable with that fluff.
4. I'm almost in a normal weight range. I'm honestly not even sure when that last happened. I was always on the larger side going through high school and when I got married. I have worn a size 14 from as long as I can remember. I do remember being a size 8 at one point but I think that was in grade 8. I'm not a size 8 yet, but my weight is very close to being in normal range from BMI.. I think I'm about 4 lbs away.
5. I eat WAY more vegetables than I used to. Carbs and breads and cereals were my go tos. I never thought I ate that bad but it was so natural to grab the loaf of bread, grab two slices, slam on some peanut butter and call it a snack. We had fruit and veggies in the house at all time but I found that often on a sunday, I would be throwing them out. Was just more satisfying to eat the bread and crackers etc. Now my snack is cucumbers and dip or maybe a few slices of cheese. We eat a veggie at every dinner and often 2. Salad at lunch is normal now for me. And I feel so much better from it.
6. My skin is much happier. I've had skin issues for most of my life. Not bad enough to warrant a trip to dermatologist but what I believed were allergies that would spark up rashes and eczema flare ups. I had them mostly on my torso, on my scalp but also on the back of my legs. With the reduction of wheat and sugars in my diet I have had clear or almost clear skin. No more scratching for this girl.
7. I'm just happier.
So I have to remember it's not about the number. Sure that's a piece of it, but it's all the things listed above plus many more that have just become the norm for me now.
I am a little over 9 months in and although I am not at the "number" that I want I do notice a bunch of things that are different than they were 9 + months ago.
1. Although I'm still on my BP meds, my BP is better than it has been in years. It's controlled and consistently at the lowest numbers that it's been since we discovered the high BP 4 years ago, although I believe it was much longer than that because I had high BP when I had my 2nd son 17 years ago! So although it's a work in progress, its on the right path. I may never get rid of my meds as both mom and dad both had high BP and although mom was pretty average in her weight and mobility, dad has been healthy for all his lift. He still to this day works out 3 days a week at the age of 85! But his BP is high, just something he has to live with.
2. I move much more efficiently. I was never really one to be in pain with my knees or other appendages but I did tire quickly. Especially if I ran or if I went for a brisk walk. I could feel the extra 40 lbs dragging me down somewhat and I didn't like it. I know if I had kept at the weight that I was that my knees would have started to hate me.
3. My wardrobe is sooooo much better. Well not really great as I still spend 85% of my time in workout wear but when I want to wear cute skinnier jeans, I wear them. And t-shirts don't constrict me around my spare tire when I sit. I was constantly adjusting my clothes or just wearing clothes that were too big so that I could hide myself. Not anymore. Although I still have "fluff" I am comfortable with that fluff.
4. I'm almost in a normal weight range. I'm honestly not even sure when that last happened. I was always on the larger side going through high school and when I got married. I have worn a size 14 from as long as I can remember. I do remember being a size 8 at one point but I think that was in grade 8. I'm not a size 8 yet, but my weight is very close to being in normal range from BMI.. I think I'm about 4 lbs away.
5. I eat WAY more vegetables than I used to. Carbs and breads and cereals were my go tos. I never thought I ate that bad but it was so natural to grab the loaf of bread, grab two slices, slam on some peanut butter and call it a snack. We had fruit and veggies in the house at all time but I found that often on a sunday, I would be throwing them out. Was just more satisfying to eat the bread and crackers etc. Now my snack is cucumbers and dip or maybe a few slices of cheese. We eat a veggie at every dinner and often 2. Salad at lunch is normal now for me. And I feel so much better from it.
6. My skin is much happier. I've had skin issues for most of my life. Not bad enough to warrant a trip to dermatologist but what I believed were allergies that would spark up rashes and eczema flare ups. I had them mostly on my torso, on my scalp but also on the back of my legs. With the reduction of wheat and sugars in my diet I have had clear or almost clear skin. No more scratching for this girl.
7. I'm just happier.
So I have to remember it's not about the number. Sure that's a piece of it, but it's all the things listed above plus many more that have just become the norm for me now.
Thursday, March 7, 2019
Kickstart results
After the 3 day kick start I am down 6.5 lbs. I know it's all water weight but hopefully it's enough to actually kick start a loss again. I dread what the scale will say tomorrow and after the weekend.
During the 3 days I felt good. Did not have an abundance of energy but did not feel tired either. I did manage to go to Zumba on the tuesday night and felt fine at zumba.
I actually liked the bone broth and the more research I do on it, the more I think I should stick with it. Going to talk to the local butcher this weekend as I believe he makes it and maybe buy me a batch. The last set I got was in the states and we don't go down enough for me to get a lot.
The kettle and fire bone broth is supposed to be one of the best but we can't get it in Canada just yet and it is not shipped to canada either. So we wait. But I think the butcher is the next closest thing.
I drank a bunch of water over this last 3 days as well and I think that had a lot to do with the drop in weight.
So today I sit at 166.5...... I really hate even writing it because I dread it will be gone in a day or two.
Oh well... here is hopefully to a new fresh spring start! Oh and it snowed again last night. Where do I live again??? I thought I was in rainy vancouver!
During the 3 days I felt good. Did not have an abundance of energy but did not feel tired either. I did manage to go to Zumba on the tuesday night and felt fine at zumba.
I actually liked the bone broth and the more research I do on it, the more I think I should stick with it. Going to talk to the local butcher this weekend as I believe he makes it and maybe buy me a batch. The last set I got was in the states and we don't go down enough for me to get a lot.
The kettle and fire bone broth is supposed to be one of the best but we can't get it in Canada just yet and it is not shipped to canada either. So we wait. But I think the butcher is the next closest thing.
I drank a bunch of water over this last 3 days as well and I think that had a lot to do with the drop in weight.
So today I sit at 166.5...... I really hate even writing it because I dread it will be gone in a day or two.
Oh well... here is hopefully to a new fresh spring start! Oh and it snowed again last night. Where do I live again??? I thought I was in rainy vancouver!
Tuesday, March 5, 2019
Spring Ahead
This coming weekend is the spring ahead weekend where we switch our clocks to have a bit more daylight in the day. I'm pretty indifferent as to whether it's worth it or not. The time change really does not affect me much as I go to bed early anyways and morning are always dark regardless of the time, but it affects my kid and my dog. So I have to go through the pain of them switching their body clocks to match the new times.
The time change also dictates the reminder to check the smoke detectors and filters on the furnace. Just a few maintenance things around the house to ensure we are safe and have a healthy house.
It's a sign that spring is just around the corner and I'm ready for it. We've had a very cold winter for us, but it's been dry which is rare on the west coast. I'll take it though. I think we can prepare for a nice warm spring, or at least that is what I'm hoping for.
With the corner rounding into a new season it's also time for me to make some changes in my health, eating again. I've been doing well and I feel great, but I really want to meet my personal weight and health goals this summer.
I want to lose another 10-20 lbs and work towards getting rid of my medication. I went to see the doctor yesterday and my BP is the best it's been in a long time. 110/74 He said if it stays steady we can think of reducing the meds soon. Hopefully that happens by my next appt in 3 months.
I have to go for a repeat u/s for the cyst in my breast. It's a followup from 6 months ago. I'm not too worry about it, and I can't let it worry me. Just need to stay on top of things and make sure that I do all the necessary tests. Mom had breast cancer when she was 43 so there is always a worry that I could get it too.
My weight is continuing to fluctuate by the same 3 lbs since October. I really want to just have a breakthrough and push into the 160s. I'm so close. This monday when I weighed in I was 173.. so back up, even though I know that 3 will be gone by friday (water weight from the weekend), it will go back down to 170 and then back up again to 171 or 172. I might sneak a peak at 169 but it never drops much more than that. This morning I was already down to 169.5 but I won't feel satisfied until it sticks or goes lower. I'm like a broken record!
So... to try and push myself into spring I have decided to do a 3 day keto kickstart to try and trick my body into losing weight again. I'm on day 2 day and feeling great... lots of energy and clarity but I do have zumba tonight so will see if that energy will run out.
Here is the kickstart:
Yesterday was easy. I made a big pot of macaroni and cheese and ribs for dinner for the family and I don't eat either so I didn't have any temptations.
Tonight I will make sausages and cabbage for dinner, which will keep in the fridge for leftovers for me when I'm ready to start eating normal food again on thursday! :)
Off to make my egg. :)
The time change also dictates the reminder to check the smoke detectors and filters on the furnace. Just a few maintenance things around the house to ensure we are safe and have a healthy house.
It's a sign that spring is just around the corner and I'm ready for it. We've had a very cold winter for us, but it's been dry which is rare on the west coast. I'll take it though. I think we can prepare for a nice warm spring, or at least that is what I'm hoping for.
With the corner rounding into a new season it's also time for me to make some changes in my health, eating again. I've been doing well and I feel great, but I really want to meet my personal weight and health goals this summer.
I want to lose another 10-20 lbs and work towards getting rid of my medication. I went to see the doctor yesterday and my BP is the best it's been in a long time. 110/74 He said if it stays steady we can think of reducing the meds soon. Hopefully that happens by my next appt in 3 months.
I have to go for a repeat u/s for the cyst in my breast. It's a followup from 6 months ago. I'm not too worry about it, and I can't let it worry me. Just need to stay on top of things and make sure that I do all the necessary tests. Mom had breast cancer when she was 43 so there is always a worry that I could get it too.
My weight is continuing to fluctuate by the same 3 lbs since October. I really want to just have a breakthrough and push into the 160s. I'm so close. This monday when I weighed in I was 173.. so back up, even though I know that 3 will be gone by friday (water weight from the weekend), it will go back down to 170 and then back up again to 171 or 172. I might sneak a peak at 169 but it never drops much more than that. This morning I was already down to 169.5 but I won't feel satisfied until it sticks or goes lower. I'm like a broken record!
So... to try and push myself into spring I have decided to do a 3 day keto kickstart to try and trick my body into losing weight again. I'm on day 2 day and feeling great... lots of energy and clarity but I do have zumba tonight so will see if that energy will run out.
Here is the kickstart:
Yesterday was easy. I made a big pot of macaroni and cheese and ribs for dinner for the family and I don't eat either so I didn't have any temptations.
Tonight I will make sausages and cabbage for dinner, which will keep in the fridge for leftovers for me when I'm ready to start eating normal food again on thursday! :)
Off to make my egg. :)
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