Another new Start??

I'm back... Again.....

Guess what? I gained all the flipping weight back! Shocking I know....

Well, I'd like to say that this time it will be different but I don't really know that. I hope it will. I pray it will, but I have my doubts. Sad to say, but it's true.

But I need to do something. I'm back where I was 1 year ago and I'm due to go see the doctor again. And he's going to get mad at me... again. So I'm going to put it off for a  few months and get myself in a healthy groove. Sad to say that it's because of my doctor but the reality is, I don't want to hear him say that I'm unhealthy again....

So, here we start again today.

We've had some changes of late. We are currently inhabiting two different homes. Big N got an opportunity to play hockey in another district but the rules of the league state that he must live in the district where he plays. So we have rented a home in the new district and we share duties between the homes. I spend 3/4 days in the new home and 3/4 days (depending on the week) at the old home. So far so good but eating is the challenge.. making sure we have healthy food in both homes is key.

My very best friend in the world also started a new diet. Some dukan diet where she only eats meat. It's god awful, but although she's my best friend in the world, she is also my motivator and deep down my competition. Whenever she starts something new, so do I ....I want to make sure I lose as much as she does.. or more... Sad to say, but it's true!

So here we go T..... let's get this shit done this time!

Back to my goals. Water, exercise and good food choices. Signing onto myfitnesspal right now.

I have no idea of my starting weight as I don't have a scale in my new home. I'll weigh myself on wednesday morning.

Happy monday peeps!

Slowly making my way back into counting land...

Ok - Wednesday was not a successful counting day or eating day. It was hubby's birthday and we went out for steak and then came home and had cake and it was GOOOD!

I can count that as my last meal cause well it kinda was, at least for a bit.

Yesterday was much better. I still went over in pts, but the good thing is I counted and the even better thing is I said NO to temptations. I did not go down to the little store in our building in the afternoon for a cookie or other snack. I did not have anything after my shower last night. I was not hungry but I had developed the habit over the last few weeks to do that.

So, I take that as a step forward. Tonight we are meeting friends at the pub for drinks to celebrate our hubby's birthdays. But it will be fine. I can have a drink or two and then just a few appies.

Weekend is busy and I have some serious cleaning in my bedroom so that will keep me preoccupied tomorrow. Looking forward to it though. Hubby is working which I love when I'm cleaning so he is not under foot all day!

So, onward and upward. It wasn't a perfect start but it was a start and it was good.

Goals is to keep drinking my water, stay within or close to points all weekend! Hoping for some sort of success on monday's weigh in!

Momma!

Countdown to Paradise

In 9 short weeks I will be hitting the surf and sand of Hawaii again. I'm very excited to be heading back.  That's me in the airplane... :) well not really. BTW - that is the worst 6 hour flight but so worth it when you get there!

11 glorious days of sun and relaxation. When I returned from Vegas the plan was to continue working hard at losing the weight so that I could be uber comfortable when I arrive in Aloha land.

Welp... that hasn't really gone so well now has it?

I have not tracked AT ALL since I've been back and I've been slowly allowing foods that have been forbidden back into my life. All bad.

I weighed myself on monday for official weigh in day and I was down a lb again. Down to 194.5 It's a fluke, I'm not sure why the weight keeps coming off because I am doing NOTHING to help it shed.

Well this morning was a bit of a wake up call because while I stood naked on that scale the numbers that screamed back at me were 198!!! OMG.. creeping ever so quickly back to 200.. I can NOT let that happen.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is about more than just another trip. This is about happiness, a healthy body, a healthy mind, a happy family and a pretty me.

So we commit AGAIN. I really should change the name of this blog to "the Re commitment!" It's getting ridiculous.

So I did not bring lunch with me this morning because I still do not have healthy foods in my house (no shopping this week so far) but I will do that this afternoon.

I will plan my breakfast and lunch now. After I finish this post of course.

I also notice that I am more on track when I blog daily, so I'm going to try to start doing that again.

Goals for today:
1. Water
2. Good food choices
3. Track food
4. Blog
5. Get a walk in.

Here we go... Ready?

Dreams and Hopes....

For the last 5 or so years I've started to form my travel bucket list. Places I want to see or visit before I leave this planet forever. I have a few places from Europe including Greece, Italy and France, but I also have a number of places in the US that I have always wanted to visit. Two top my list.... Chicago and Boston.

I've always held a special place in my heart for both of these locations. I don't know anyone that lives in either city and I don't know why I want to visit so bad, but I do.

Yesterday, as runners participated in Boston Marathon their only thoughts at the start of the race were, "will I beat my time from last time? " or perhaps "will I finish?". Prayers go out to those affected by the bombings yesterday. I cannot imagine having my hopes and dreams shattered by such a senseless and gutless act.

I pray for America. There seems to be no safe haven in your world anymore.

On my front things have been about the same. I continue to struggle with tracking and drinking water etc.  So I'm re instituting the daily goals for the next week or so to hopefully get me back on track.

Today's Goals:
1. Drink my water!!!
2. Stay within points
3. TRACK EVERYTHING!
4. Get in 6000 steps
5. Visit Dad.

Oh I did drop .5 lbs this week so not bad considering. I'm 195.5 now.


Momma

Finally feels like spring and WI Monday

It finally feels like spring.   It's been off and on warm/sunny/windy/rainy for the last few weeks but to me it finally feels like spring has arrived. No more boots or winter coats, it's all about going sockless and wearing light sweaters instead of jackets. That reminds me, I need to get a new white sweater! :)

The weekend was nice. Didn't get up to too much as they boys were busy with hockey and I was running around driving them from here to there and then back here again. But I love it. It gets me out of the house and keeps us all busy.  Next weekend will be busy because R is in a tournament and N still has practices but that is all good. Love the social time with the other families on the team.

Eating was ok this weekend. Had sushi and wine on friday which was lovely and then had a huge clubhouse sandwich on saturday late afternoon which tied me over saturday night. Watched the Canuck's game on saturday night and went to bed somewhat early.  Oddly, during my sleep on saturday night I woke up about 6 times throughout the night to pee. It was crazy.... Needless to say when I woke up on sunday morning I weighed myself and I was down to 194. SAY WHAT?!!!!!!!  That's a lot of pee.

Had a regular sunday eating wise and then made burritos for dinner last night. Official weigh in this morning was 196. I would have preferred the 194 but 196 is more realistic I guess. And that's down 2.5 from last week! Whooop... told ya it would be a good number.

Here's the kicker... my weight is ALWAYS lower on sunday than on monday. WHY? and should I change my WI day to be sunday??  I'm thinking I'll stick with monday cause  I would only end up seeing a higher number on monday and that would make me mad (I'm a daily weigher and I am PROUD of it! - nobody can take that away from me)

Anyhoo - onto this week. The really odd thing about losing the 2.5 this week was that I was AWFUL at tracking. AWFUL and I only went for one walk this week. How is it even possible that I lost weight??  Well I know that it was somewhat flukey so I'm going back to tracking fully this week.

Gonna go plan out my breakfast, lunch and dinner right now..

Happy Monday!
Momma

Need to get back on track.. all the way

It's been an odd week because I have been on track eating wise but not recording. I know that can get me into trouble so I will need to start up again. As soon as I finish lunch I'm going to record my days food.

The other bad thing is that I have not be going for my walks at night. I went monday night and that was it. Bad me. I will go tonight or tomorrow for sure!

The good news though is that my weight so far is down. Will hopefully still be down on monday when I weigh in but for now I'm pleased with my post vacation body and ways.

S's big plan to get healthy seems to already be a bust. He did not eat breakfast or lunch on wednesday and came home and ate 2 big dinners (steak etc) and then finished off with a large bowl of ice cream. I can't keep nagging him but it would be so much easier if we were all on the same page.

N has started his summer training schedule. He only works out in the summer because during the winter he is too busy on the ice etc. He started P90X on monday and texted me this morning to say that he thinks he has pulled something in his forearm! Great... oh well, rest and ice. Well for today... he has 5 hours on the ice this weekend so not so much rest but he can lay off the weights for a few days.  Oh how we push our kids.. but in all honesty, he pushes himself. I wish I had 1/8th of his energy. He has a goal and is doing what he can to make that goal. We encourage him and provide him with the resources to do what he wants but it's all him!

Need to go pick up a bottle of wine. Will be first glass of wine since vegas!! I'm looking forward to this little indulgence tonight.

WI on monday - I'm excited.. I think it's going to be a very good number!

Momma

W5D2 - NSVs and some troubling numbers

Over the weekend I saw a friend that I had not seen since last June. After speaking with him for awhile he asked if I had lost weight! WHOOP! For some reason it's a big deal to hear it from a male, I'm not sure why because typically women are more observant and critical but it felt nice for someone to notice. I have not really noticed. My clothes fit a bit better but when I bought a few small pieces last week, they were the same size as before. But I think the XL now fits, where as before I sorta squeezed my ass into it.

Yesterday at work my coworker also mentioned that I looked smaller! Whoop! So now I've heard from someone I haven't seen in almost a year and someone that I see every day! Lovin it! And it gives me the motivation to keep going.

Onto the troubling numbers. One of the biggest reason that I wanted to get healthy and drop this weight was for health reasons. I know it should be the only reason but vanity is important as well - at least to me.  Well rewind to last september when I had my physical. My doctor was very upset with me for putting on the weight that I had put on and I left the office in tears. The one thing that really scared me during that visit was that when he went to take my blood pressure, he said that he could barely get a reading. He tried for almost 15 minutes and could not get a valid reading. Boo :(

This scared me, so much that I instantly decided that I would change my life and get moving to get that blood pressure reading corrected and in a normal range. I have always struggled with HBP. Both of my parents have HBP even though my dad is extremely healthy in every other way. Momma passed away when she was 61 - Cancer not heart! Love ya mom! :)

Well, within about a week I had forgotten all about getting healthy and went back to my ways. I shouldn't say I had forgotten about it, you can't really forget something like that but let's say that I avoided the issue. Did this until January 15th when I started back up again on WW and decided to finally make the change.

So fast forward to sunday when we were at dinner with the inlaws and dad. I asked Dad if I could borrow his BP home monitor for a few weeks to test my BP. I took it home and got myself hooked up and ran that sucka. It squeezed my arm until I though a vein would burst (I know that is not a good sign when it has to squeeze that hard to get a pulse)... bad news. It's still high. Very high, like my heart could explode any minute high. It was 220/190. WTF!?

I think the cuff was the wrong size for me, but still it's high. I tried again when I got home last night from work and it was better but still high 174/140... UGH.

Still have lots of work to do... :(

We press on..

Goals today:
1. Water
2. Walk - 6000 steps!
3. Stay within pts

The good news for the day is big S has decided to get healthy too. I have been worried about his weight for some time now and glad that he has decided to do something to change it. His starting weight is 255. Not crazy high, but high for him.

*Also - when I say 6000 steps - that is at one time, not all day.. in case you were wonderin'

Momma

Back from Viva.... back on track...

Had a great time in Vegas. Funny how when you are on vacation, that you seem to forget about the fact that you don't look like a size 0 in a swimsuit and you just go with the flow. I put on my swim suit and I sat out by the pool and I loved it!

We stayed at the Bellagio hotel which was lovely and had a large pool area. 2 large swimming pools and then 3 additional cold wading pools with lounge chairs around them. I have to admit I love vacationing in the states because there are many more people that are plus sized in America. Funny how when you are in Vancouver all the time, it seems like everyone is normal sized ( and normal not being plus sized).

We walked a lot in Vegas, so much that my legs ached at night when we went to bed. The boys had fun. Our hotel had a scale in the bathroom so I could continue my obsessive ways the entire trip. Loser. The good thing was my weight did not go crazy. I kept it at bay.

I weighed in his morning and I am down 1 lb from last monday 198.5. But I was down to 196.5 yesterday. I think my salty Easter ham dinner may have raised up the number a bit. I'm very happy with that. A vacation and no major gain, even a loss! Good job to me!

I also told the boys when we returned on friday that there would be no easter candy on Sunday. They are old enough now to understand that momma is Easter Bunny and honestly we ate enough candy/chocolate during the Vegas week so we did not need any. It wasn't missed at all!

Back on track today. Need to drink my water cause I have been lacking in that department - BIG TIME. It's also TOM so I need to get my walking back in to alleviate my belly pains and flush away this bloat.

Good to be back... 3 months until Hawaii!!! :)

Off to read some blogs now.

Week 4, Day 5

Momma is mad today!

There are a variety of reasons that I be pissed off and I will list them here;

1. Stupid reviews this week and the general feeling so far is that they have not been positive reviews. I opted to receive mine after I returned from vacation. As I don't want to go on vacation pissed off. I guess I would rather come back to work and then be pissed off.

2. My good good friend that I am going to Vegas with is losing weight every week. And she only weighs 130 right now... I'm very happy for her, don't get me wrong, but it just doesn't seem fair. I'm just mad with myself.

3. I have not lost what I wanted to lose by the time we left for Vegas and am mad about that . I keep telling myself that this is not a quick fix and it will take months.. but I would like to see the results faster, everyone else seems to have faster results than I do!! :( Just a pity party.

4. I got my hair cut today and I don't think I like it. I is short and makes my face look round. I will have to play with it tonight when I get home.

5. I got a wrap at Freshii today (I haven't been there in quite some time). They only list the calories on their board and then if you want additional nutritional info you need to look it up online. The wrap I ordered was Quinoa, Chicken, Avacado, Cabbage, green onion and salsa in a whole wheat wrap. It was listed as 360 calories. So 7 maybe 8 pts right?!  NOT!!! That bitch was 21 pts! I'm so mad... Wasted all my daily points on that f@(*#)@$@ thing!  False advertising. I won't go back there again.

6. Haven't decided if I'm going to work on monday or not. The way today is going I think I should take the extra vacation day and chill....

7. Oh and the scale reported 201.0 this morning.. Think I will kick it when I get home from work.

Argh!

Week 4, Day 3

Skipped a day yesterday in my posting, not because I was bad and trying to hide out but because I had not really interesting to note.  Although do I ever really have something of interest to talk about ...

So thankfully when I hopped on the scale today my weight was back to where it was last week, not great, but at least that means the majority of the bloat is gone. I feel better too, less puffy.

It was pouring out last night but I was determined to go for a walk. I headed out and it was nasty. Really wet and windy so I changed my mind and said, screw this, I'm going to run instead of walk. I ended up only going for about 30 minutes but I ran for about 1/2 of that.. maybe a bit more than half. It felt good. My lungs are still struggling but I know they are better than they were a week or two ago. I figure I'll add in a run at least once a week to get me moving again.  The one thing I still struggle with is getting that full breath in when I run. I seem to get a 3/4 breath in and then it holds at the top. Hard to explain but it's like the breath is climbing a mountain and it never seems to get to the other side, it gets close to the top and then falls back down. Strange analogy I know..  Anyway, my hope is that I can clear that mountain in the next few weeks.

I ordered a few things from Old Navy last week and they arrived. I like Old Navy for sping/summer cause their pieces are simple and usually fit quite well (at least for me). I rarely cycle my spring clothes into next season so I dont' like to fork out too much money during the spring for a wardrobe that will only last a few months.

Winter is a different story. I like to spend money on good quality things in Winter but I will wear the basic pieces over and over and over again each winter season. If they still fit that is.

So anyways, I ordered a few things from Old Navy and they all fit. Some almost too big but I'm not going to send them back because I need a few pieces for the next month or so....

Cause I'm gonna get into that smaller size...

I mentioned last week that I would start writing NSVs in addition to Goals so here goes:
NSV
1. Newly purchased clothes are going back because I don't like them, not because they don't fit!
2. I ran again :)
3. my skin feels clearer with all the water I've been drinking! Yay me

Goals:
1. Water
2. Stay within points
3. 8000 steps!

Later Peeps!

Week 4, Day 1 and WI?

It was the morning where I knew if I stepped on the scale it would be bad news... just knew it! I've been tracking my weight and weight fluctuations for about 6 weeks now so I know how my body behaves and how I retain at certain points of the month. I also know that because I've been feeling so bloated and uncomfortable for the last few days that it was going to be bad news. I knew it !! So why did I weigh in.

I could have easily just walked on by it and not bothered, but I have to know. It's an obsession. I have to step on it and see what it says. I've always said that it doesn't affect my moods but I think we all know how it feels when the scale is down a few pounds. It feels better than sex... admit it!  And we all know that when it goes up, every possible reason flows through our little pea brains to explain the slight gain. We blame salt, clothes, not enough water, too much water, not going to the bathroom, etc etc...

The reality is that I feel great. Great. I look in the mirror and am starting to really like what I see. I can feel smoothness down my waist to my hips and I feel my hip bones and collar bones. These are signs that my body is turning from mostly fat to not mostly fat! That is important and healthy for me. I'm never going to be 130 lbs... hell I might not make 150 but these small signs are signs that things are getting better for me.

I know that I did not eat 7000 extra calories this week to explain the 2 lb gain. I'll record it with a note saying that it's the "hormonal hell week" and move on.

I am not ready to put the scale away yet, because if I had not tracked my weight all week, every day I think I would have been more disappointed this week. I fully expect the 2 lbs to be gone by Wednesday and then I can proceed with last weeks and this weeks accomplishments.

We press on....

Week 3, Day 5

Yesterday was a success at home. As much as I love working from home, I hate the temptations of working from home, in other words the fridge! I work in the dining room so the fridge is within smelling distance. But I did well

Goals from yesterday:
1. Water - CHECK
2. STay within pts - CHECK
3. Workout and get steps in (4500) - CHECK
Yesterday was a good day. Actually I was under my pts, which I don't like doing but at the same time I know I have a birthday dinner tonight so I will probably need some extra pts.

Good news is I'm not up yet this week and it's the hormonal week gain. So either it's coming still or I'm on track.. I'm still the same as I was on monday so I'll take that as a plus. My belly has been doing flip flops for the last two days which is typical so I know that it is ovulation time. Oh well, hoping that I see a loss on monday. I've been good.

Also starting to slowly put back items in MFP and run with MFP and WW simultaneiously. I want to track for the next few weeks how many calories I'm eating when I'm staying within my points. We will see what it ends up being.

Looking forward to a good but lazy weekend....

Goals for today:
1. Water
2. Limit to 2 glasses of wine!
3. Make wise choices with food at dinner


Next week I think I'll start adding some NSVs.... cause they perk a person up don't they??

HAGW!
momma...

Week 3, Day 4

I'm not sure why my body has to do this funky game every month. It feels like everything I put into my body is just going to come out (instantly).. probably TMI but considering that this is more of an online journal than a broadcast, I think I'll write about it!

Take my coffee for example? Why did I drink it this morning? Should I have another cup, probably doesn't make much sense... but I will anways :)

It's a home day today. I'm working from home, but that also means that I can get some "home" things done.. like laundry, a bathroom or two and maybe even get a workout in. Actually, yes, get a workout in. I will do so at lunch!

I am itching to go for  walk again tonight as well. Been cooped up in the house for too many days. Went to he banquet last night and it was lovely. What a great group of boys, I wish them all the success in the world! And I hope they remember me when they become big NHL stars one day! :) Love you all

But I was a good girl with my food. It was a buffet so I had lots of veggies, salad with italian dressing, more veggies and about 1 cup or less of pasta with chicken and marinara.

I had 1/2 a cookie and a small bite of the caramel dessert. I have no idea how many points that turned out to be so I'll just call it a day with no overage.. I had 18 pts for the rest of the day anyways. Oh I did have 2 glasses of red too, well maybe I went over by just a bit...

So like I said, today is my back in the saddle get moving day. Tomorrow we have dinner out with friends but I know the restaurant so I can plan my meal accordingly. YAY! Good choices!

Todays goals:
1. Water
2. STay within pts
3. Workout and get steps in (4500)

That's it... that's enough!

Peace out!

Week 3, Day 3

I've been lazy this week. I think it's a combination of daylight savings time week and the weather and likely the "hormonal hell" week. Regardless, I have zero energy.

I'm taking a vitamin D supplement until the real sun comes out and it does help somewhat.

When I get home the last thing that I want to do is move, walk etc but it's what I have to do. Last night I could have walked after dinner but I didn't... I sat and watched TV. Yes, it was raining but it wasn't downpouring. I could have walked for 20 min.. at least.

I need to be better about that. Not tonight though. I will get home at 4:30 and then we have to leave at 5 for a banquet dinner for N. We won't be home until close to 9:30 or so. But that's ok, I will get in a few steps here and there before I get home.

Goals from yesterday:
1. Water - CHECK
2. Stay within points - CHECK
3. Walk 6000 steps - only doing this if the rain stops... so might not happen.  NEGATIVE FAIL
4. Pushups 2 sets of 18 - 1/2 CHECK.. Managed 1 set of 18 and then a second set of 11.
5. plan out lunch again tomorrow. - CHECK

Goals today:
1.  Make decent choices at dinner as it's a buffet

Only setting one goal today as I won't be able to track pts very well throughout dinner and my entire evening revolves around this dinner.

I'm home tomorrow so I will need to get a workout in tomorrow at lunch. I'll set new goals in the AM.

Week 3, day 2

I'm starting to enter HORMONAL WEIGHT GAIN week. I happens every month, some months are worse than others. Last month I saw a 5 lb gain that lasted for a few days and I was so uncomfortable for a few of those days. I looked back in my food diary on those days to see what I ate to try and avoid the same types of foods..

Guess what? I didn't post on those days..... how can I be accountable if I'm not honest with myself!?

So, lesson learned, I need to post, every day, even the bad ones so that I can use them as reference later on.

So far so good, no big cravings but I know they are coming. I bought some 100 Cal Revellos last weekend and hopefully if the kids have not found and eaten them all, there might be 1 or 2 left to get me through the week/weekend.

I'm feeling really good, feeling like I'm a size 6.. when of course I know I'm not. I will be so happy to see a 1 on that scale next week (fingers crossed) and a new size in my clothes soon....

Yesterdays goals?
1. water - need to get this in as weekend was bad  - CHECK
2. find a healthy lunch as I didn't pack one  - CHECK subway!!
3. Walk today - 8000 steps  - CHECK 9000
4. pushups 2 sets of 18 - FAIL
5. plan out meals for lunch tomorrow  - CHECK

today's goals:
1. Water
2. Stay within points
3. Walk 6000 steps  - only doing this if the rain stops... so might not happen.
4. Pushups 2 sets of 18
5. plan out lunch again tomorrow.
I feel better today than I have in many.... I know the moods will shift this week as well, but for now it's all GOOD! 

Week 3 day 1....

Weekend recap - the weekend was busy with the boys activities but I did manage to clean out a portion of the laundry room. We have a storage area at the back of our laundry room that was full of totes, old clothes etc. I managed to pack up 2 boxes and 3 bags of clothes for donation. Felt Awesome! Nothing else in my house was cleaned but at least I got that bit done. I can clean my house during the week.

R had his final tournament this week and it was an hour away from home. 1 game each day. This posed a few challenges around food choices but I did very well. On both Saturday and sunday we stopped at Tim H/Wendy's and on both occasions I chose salad. The Cobb one so there was some protein in the salad and it was very filling. Proud of myself!

I knew I had to be good with my food because I was not going to get a chance to get out for my walks/run this weekend. Well I would have had time, but I chose to do things around the house instead. The weather is supposed to be nasty this week but I will make a point of getting out.

The good news I'm down another 2 lbs....
LWW - 202
TWW - 200... actually it fluttered between 199.5 and 200 but I'll take the 200 because I think it's more accurate.

And I know that next week is the week I will struggle due to ovulation week so this will give me more incentive to lose next week - to break into onederland!!! it's so close!

But I have officially lost 5% since starting WW.... I need to set a new Weight Loss Goal!

My daily goals are:
1. water - need to get this in as weekend was bad
2. find a healthy lunch as I didn't pack one
3. Walk today - 8000 steps
4. pushups 2 sets of 18
5. plan out meals for lunch tomorrow

Have a good monday!!

Week 2 Day 5! It's friday!!

It's been a good week so to speak in terms of foot and movement! I have stayed within pts for almost every day and have not dipped into my weeklies at all, just my activity points so I think that is success.

I'm being much more concious of decisions with food. I had a 100 cal revello last night and then felt the need to burn it off. I went for a 20 min run. I haven't run in over a year and it felt great!!

Came home and I was sweaty and sticky and it felt great!

goals for today:
1. Find a healthy lunch because I did not pack one!
2. Drink water
3. 6000 steps
4. Healthy meal before N game
5. limit to 1 glass of wine after or before game


I am looking forward to the weekeend. I have some cleaning to do and then R has a tournament but the games are at night so we can start to do some planning and shopping for Vegas!

I also have a feeling that my weight is going to be goooooood on monday and I'm going to see a loss. We will see.

Until Monday - HAGW!

Week 2 Day 4....a little reflection

Going to a funeral is not a fun thing to do, espeically when it's with your 14 year old son. Yesterday, we attended the funeral of N's good friend's mom. She passed away from brain cancer at the age of 59.   I never knew this lady, hadn't even met her before. The ceremony was lovely. Friends and family spoke such kind words about her and there was even a slide show that travelled through her 59 years on this earth. Although, I never knew her, she seemed like a lovely person.  A really kind person. You could tell in her photos. Each of them captured a smile that could be photocopied from one to the next.

I've posted about this before but this funeral made me think more and more and more about it. If I were to die tomorrow or soon, or whenever, would there be photos for my family to remember me?

The flat out answer to that is no. I hate my picture to be taken because I hate the reflection I see when I look at it. That fat person is not me. When other people look in the photo do they see a fat person? Maybe, but they hopefully see more than that and see me... Who I am.

I've been setting short term goals but I'm making this long term goal right now. I will get more photos of me from this point on regardless of my weight. My boys deserve to have memories that they can show their children/grandchildren etc in the event that I'm not physically here.

This will start in Vegas. That's my new goal.

Week 2 - Day 3 Struggles

Today will be different as I'm working from home today so that I can attend a funeral in the afternoon. The Funeral is for the mother of a friend of N, so I'm more going for him than for me. I didn't know the woman the passed but her daughter is close to N so we both thought it would be important for him to be there to support her.  Days like these make me realise that my baby is no longer my baby, he's growing up, showing responsibility and will one day no longer need me... Well need me in the mothering sense.  As sad as this afternoon will be I look forward to spending some time with N.

Working from home means my hours will be a bit wonky and so will the temptations of being home and working 10 feet away from my fridge! But considering I was an utter failure yesterday with my goals, I will need to be in super control today of my grazing and snacking.

So the goals:
1. Drink my water  - I'll say FAIL as I did not drink when I got home
2. Stay within pts  -  Went over by 1, but I'll call that a CHECK cause I had extra activity pts to consume
3. 5500 steps - FAIL - only managed 3800. Bad..
4. 24 push ups - FAIL
5. cut up veggies for lunch tomorrow - FAIL

ok - so it was a good thing that I didn't delete the goals that I thought were habit by now. Apparently they are not. The one thing that is helping me is this blog. I think by blogging every day it keeps me in check and makes me review my prior day to see how I was doing. This is not something I did in the past and I would get off track so easily.

New goals for today:
1. Drink my water and maybe some of yesterday's water
2. Stay within pts
3. 8000 steps
4. 24 push ups - 2X!
5. go shopping for more veggies and prep

I should be able to reach all of these goals and hopefully exceed them. Last night was busy when I got home from work with the kids. S was at the hockey game so I had to do the running around by myself. That was all fine but it really took away the "me" time that I like to have each evening. Oh well, working from home today should give me some "me" time.

The one other thing I noticed is when S is not home, I tend to not plan very well with my food. I snack, I pick, I graze rather than planning out a meal and eating it.  This is more of laziness than anything else. I figure if I'm making the kids dinner and I don't want to eat it, rather than make myself dinner, I'll just pick at things; nuts, bread, yogurt etc.  I need to be better about sitting down and eating a meal. That will make my mind check off the "dinner" check box and stop me from grazing all night. When I don't have a proper sit down meal at night I give myself permission to graze all night because I never had dinner. And I end up over eating.

So...we will see how today goes. Apart from the sadness of this afternoon, I do look forward to my challenges and my N time!

Until tomorrow.

Week 2 day 2

Last night was a good night. Went home, had fajitas for dinner and then went for a long walk with the hubs. Came home and watched BL with the fam and to bed by 10... not too bad!

Tonight will be different as R has a game and N has practice so we will be out running around until about 8pm. Will need to have some sort of dinner ready when we come home, or we could just have eggs... nothing wrong with eggs for dinner.

Yesterday's goals?
1. Drink my water - CHECK
2. Stay within pts - CHECK
3. 7000 steps! - CHECK 8000
4. 20 push ups - CHECK
5. try on swimsuit! - FAIL

Ok - first thing I noticed is that I have checked off drink water and stay within pts each day. Do I remove them or keep them on seeing as they are the goals that I really do want to achieve on a daily basis? I think I'll leave them for now seeing as I can't really come up with anything all that interesting anyways.

The swimsuit? Why did I not try it on? Cause I honestly ran out of time, and by the time I remembered I was already dressed for bed.  I will do it.. I'm sure it will fit but I do need to check anyways.

Today's goals
1. Drink my water
2. Stay within pts
3. 5500 steps
4. 24 push ups
5. cut up veggies for lunch tomorrow

I'm home tomorrow but I still want to be prepared so that I don't munch on everything all day. Have a funeral to attend tomorrow so it will be a sad day which may make me want to much all day.

I also checked the scale today and it's up a bit, but I expected that. I had a sodium filled dinner last night and honestly it's always higher on Tuesday than it is on monday. Must be something about the after wi day!

Until tomorrow.

Week 2 - Day 1

It's a new week and I'm now 3 weeks away from Las Vegas so need to step it up and really work hard over the next few weeks. I know that the last week before I go to Vegas is going to be a tough one because I typically gain the week before my period and that be it!  Oh well.... track, drink my water, do my walks and hope for goodness..  :)

So the good news.. my wi! I lost 3.5 lbs this week! I'm now 202. I even stepped on the scale twice to see if it was true and both times it came up with 202! Whooop!

Looking like I should be out of the 2s by end of March for sure!

So the big change for me last week was staying within my points and my mini goals. So here it goes again.

Goals for today:
1. Drink my water
2. Stay within pts
3. 7000 steps!
4. 20 push ups
5. try on swimsuit!

I have such motivation today, I'm hoping it will continue for the week. I have planned to work out (walk) on Monday, Wed and thursday due to the kids schedule.

I want to also look back a few weeks and see what I ate to see where I went wrong. We will see.

Let's keep this up!!  Did I say Whoop!

Week 1 Day 5

 Even though it's the wicked week of pain and bloating. I'm feeling awesome! Best I have felt in quite some time. I feel the weight coming off, I feel a bit slimmer in my clothes... even though I know much of that is an illusion.

This morning my weight was 204. Maybe oh maybe could I be out of the 2s by the end of March?! Yes, I think I can.

Yesterday's goals:
1. Water - CHECK
2. Stay within pts - CHECK
3. clean downstairs bath  -  FAIL - but CLEANED HALF MAIN
4. 15 pushups - CHECK
5. 2000 steps... no walk tonight  CHECK 3890
Today's goals:
1. Water
2. Stay within pts
3. 15 pushups - 2 sets
4. 3000 steps - no walk tonight
5. enjoy one cheat!

It's friday and it's cheat night. Not sure what it will be but it will be something.

Have a great friday. Even though it's pouring rain!

Week 1 day 4

Just a quick post to post goals for the day:

Yesterdays..
today's goals:
1) 6000 steps  - CHECK
2) Water  - CHECK
3) stay within pts - CHECK
4) clean the downstairs bathroom - FAIL
5) 10 pushups - CHECK

So the good for me items were checked off but the one failure was cleaning my house!! LOL!

Today's goals:
1. Water
2. Stay within pts
3. clean downstairs bath
4. 15 pushups
5. 2000 steps... no walk tonight

See ya friday!

Week 1 Day 3 ...

Ok - I'm not sure if this new motivation is because I can see the scale moving but I literally feel lighter on my feet and much more motivated to make this happen.

Here were my goals for yesterday:
1) get 5000 steps in today min - CHECK 6040 Min...
2) drink my water - CHECK
3) stay within pts  - CHECK
4) research pedometers - CHECK
5) measurements - CHECK

Wow... full 5/5 - I'm pretty proud of myself.

1. First off, I found a new pedometer on apps called Striiv and so far it seems to work pretty welll. The last app that I had did not really record steps very well if my phone was in my bag etc. This one seems pretty good. So the only time it records is when I'm walking with my phone which is on way to work, on way home from work and when I exercise. So 6040 for the day (actually after 10am) is pretty good because I am not recording all steps.  I think I want to get an official ped checker though but more on that later...

2) Drank my water... mostly at work.. but still did it.

3) stay within pts - Came right on. Actually I think I went over by two but I had activity pts to use so I don't really count those as pts consumed.

4) research peds - I did this and think I'll put off buying one until I go to Vegas. Maybe they will be cheaper down there than up here. I want a fitbit one.

5. Measurements - this was nasty... my waist was 41". Is that even possible? Regardless it's recorded... next recording will be right before i go to vegas... got me some work to do.

today's goals:
1) 6000 steps
2) Water
3) stay within pts
4) clean the downstairs bathroom
5) 10 pushups

Don't ask about 4 - I think I need to add cleaning goals in there or my house will never be cleaned! :-)

Till tomorrow...

Day 2 check in

So I challenged myself yesterday on a few small goals. How did I do?

Giving myself a challenge today :
1. Drink lots of water  - CHECK
2. Move today - do something active.  CHECK 50 min walk
3. No sweets after dinner - eat fruit!  - Hmmm, had a very small piece of brownie... so FAIL
4. take measurements.... FAIL
5. keep within pts today - CHECK!
3/5 not too bad and I would say I accomplished the important ones in the mix. I pushed myself to go for the walk and I was glad I did. It was a bit chilly outside but not raining or anything crazy like that so it was nice to go for a little walk.

Might do the same tonight when Nick is practicing. What else am I going to do?

It's nice and light in the mornings which we know will come to an end soon because daylight savings is creeping upon us. Dark mornings though will mean light evenings and I can use those!!!

Last night's walk included 4.5 hikes up the stairs at the overpass in ladner. Next time I want to do 5 or 5.5...!

Trying to track my steps too - my iphone recorded 3000+ on my walk last night. And at a fast pace too.. Would like to get a real pedometer but I think I need to do more walking first to justify it.

Maybe I'll google and see how much one costs??

today's goals :
1) get 5000 steps in today min
2) drink my water
3) stay within pts
4) research pedometers
5) measurements

till later...

Another new week.. maybe a warmer one

The last week was a tough one emotionally. I fought with my weight not budging and knowing that it should be. I was good with my food, I did not exercise.

I think this is the piece that I need to change. I think I'm going to have to start walking again. And I will do so tonight if it's not too cold, wet. Right now it's raining so that will have to get a bit better.

The scale was better this morning. At least it's moving in the right direction. I feel like I lost 2 weeks as I gained last week and now I'm basically back to where I was 2 weeks ago. Oh well, better that I be back to where I was 2 weeks ago then even heavier!

Had a good weekend seeing a few friends and having a few drinks. Discovered that if I have a salad before I go out, I don't go crazy with the food!

I think I need to challenge myself more often. Like weekly or even daily. So I 'm going to start today. I'd like to challenge myself all of March.

Giving myself a challenge today :
1. Drink lots of water
2. Move today - do something active.
3. No sweets after dinner - eat fruit!
4. take measurements....
5. keep within pts today

Let's see how we do...

It's monday again..

Well it's monday and it's weigh in day. And i'm still up from last monday but at least down from the dreaded friday weight. Today I clock in at 207.. although it was wavering a bit from 206.5 so it could be closer to 206.8?? But still an ounce here and an ounce there is not work marking down.

I was good this weekend. Even worked out! shut up... and my legs are killing me this morning. I worked out Saturday so need to look into whether I should work out again tonight or wait until Wed...??

Eating as clean as possible. :)  good week ahead of me. I am thinking I'll see a big loss this week.

Oh and I'm trying to drink lemon water every morning and night to see if that helps with the flushing of the toxins in my body. We will see.

Smooches! happy monday!

Friday part 2....

I'm so bloated I'm in pain. I'm starting to think this is going to explain the extra 4 lbs on the scale today.

UGH... thats it! Just constant uncomfortableness....

I don't get it....

Well I do get it but I don't... get it? LOL.

I weigh myself every morning. I know that it throws some people off but it keeps me on track. If I only weighed myself once a week and it happened to be on one of those days when my weight goes funky. I'd be depressed all week! ALL week!

So anyways, my official weigh in day is monday and this monday I was 205.5.  High, but at least the scale has been moving in the right direction.

Yesterday I jumped on the scale and it said 207.5. Really? Maybe that has something to with hormones and ovulation week? I'm starting to track my monthly cycle so that I can see where my weight fluctuates and how.

Last night we opted to not go out for dinner but instead just get in sushi. We ate sushi, a lot of sushi but still not crazy. No dessert and no alcohol!. Weighed myself this  morning and I was 209!!! Say what???

Bullshit! Bullshit is all I can say.

As I get older I get wiser....and a bit more blind..

I've been horrible at taking pictures of my family and more importantly I've been horrible for having pictures taken of me. I hate my picture being taken and I hate looking at pictures of myself.

But now that my mom is gone and it's been a number of years, I wish I had more photos of her to look at.

I don't want that for my family so I vow now to not care what I look like and have my picture taken and to take pictures myself.

Here's a little blog I read this morning about it and it hits the head on the nail.

http://myfriendteresablog.com/so-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed/

In other news, I'm still down from last week and trying to keep on track. So far so good. Need to plan out a dinner and keep it low fat.

I can do this.
Smooches!

Boredom

Even the word is boring and makes you go zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  I've been relatively good the last few days. I've made new recipes that have been lovely and on par with WW eating so all is good there. I went over a few points the other night and only 1 last night.

Brought my lunch today and might go out for a little walk. Not to mention pick up a bottle of wine for the weekend. Don't judge me. I only have a few glasses a night and it's a 3 day weekend! Whoop!

Weight is holding still at 205.5.... we will see what happens on monday.

Might actually raise my ass off the couch this weekend and go for a run.... MIGHT!.. and might not.
:)

Sabotage

It almost feels like whenever I post something on this blog I sabotage myself and go hog wild. Just like last night.

I was starving last night, which resulted in a pig out before dinner and then a sodium loaded dinner of beef and broccoli. It was good though.

Tonight's dinner will be chicken cause we haven't had chicken all week!

So I did myself a favor and counted everything that I ate yesteray. All the bites, licks and tastes. I went over 10 pts... minimum but we are going to count 10.

Today I regroup and drink my water to flush the sodium and eat clean.

That's it. Talk tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be reporting about a very clean sucessful day.

Maybe i'll even go for a workout tonight if I feel up to it.

here we go again....

It's been awhile.. Actually a very long time since I have been here and not much has change. I have contemplated changing things up, changing the look and feel of this blog and I might just do that but I'm not ready just yet.

I need to back up first, just a bit. About 6 months worth of backing up. At the end of August I went for my overdue check up with the doc. I was scared of going because I knew I was heavier than I had been in past years and that he would be mad at me. What happened I did not expect and I was devestated from it.  During my routine exam of taking my pulse and checking my blood pressure, the doctor was unable to find a pulse (or a loud pulse) and my blood pressure was not loud enough to get a decent measure. That scared me. Scared me because of the way that I have let my body go and as a result my doctor was unable to get a good reading of my heart because of the fat in my body.

I left that doctor's office devestated. I cried for a good day (in private of course) and told myself that I was changing. I was going to become healthy, lose the weight and show the doctor and myself that I could take care of myself.

Did I? Uh no. I didn't. And hear I sit 6 months later in the same state that I was leaving that doctors office.

Well, that is up until 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago I joined WW again and I feel better. I am down 4.5 lbs and feeling more normal than I have in years. I see a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm going to head towards it!

It's not going to be easy. Actually it's going to be really hard but I have to do it for my health.

Lately I have had problems with my eyesight, my skin, frequent urination at night and I lookd it up yesterday and it might be a sign of diabetes. GAH! I have to turn my lift around now! Not yesterday, but now!!

So here is my pledge on this journey. I need to take care of me so that I am well enough in the future to take care of others.

It's going to take baby steps.. my first step is eating right and then I will add movement. I'd like to start running again but with my size right now that will be hard, and painful. We will see though. Baby steps.

WI day was yesterday and I was 206.5   UGH
But I stepped on the scale today and it it sang back to me 205.5 - not really sang but you know what I mean!!! Let's hoping it continues the downward spiral.

Peace out!
Momma