Willpower

 

It's been a day. I'm fighting it... but it's been tough. 

Don't need the cookie, don't need the cake, don't need anything! I will survive the snack monster! 

Spiral

I've been avoiding posting anything because I've been on a downhill spiral.  I didn't believe I was going crazy with eating but I am. And I'm still eating what I should not be eating.  Last week was my TOM so I ate even more than I usually eat. 

My excuse for eating so much?? My brain somehow thinks that I can eat this much... I've done it before and not gained weight, so why should it be any different this time?? 

Well, guess what?! I'm gaining. So quickly. I was thinking last week that it was maybe hormonal or something wrong with my thyroid or or or.... but I think it's just that I'm eating! And eating way too much 

I avoided the scale all weekend cause I knew it would be horrible. I typically weight every night and then again every morning. I tend to drop 2 ish pounds during the night and that's pretty consistent. 

Well sunday night I stepped on the scale just before my shower and it said 181.4. WTF!!!!!! 

I was in shock. How had this happened. Almost 10 lbs in a month. HOW? HOW? 

I vowed at that point that I would get my shit together. 

I'm utterly disgusted with myself. I know what it is... it's the cheese/cracker snack that I have after lunch with the dogs. Or the handful of nuts (yes I said I stopped them, but they have crept back in),  hubbies birthday cake, the delicious pretzels from the local brewery.. oh and beer! Seriously.... all crap. 

So... here I am, yet again. Inching ever so closely to my birthday where I wanted to be in solidly in the 160s and I'm now even further away. 

I'm going to try my best to end this month in a better place than I am right now. If I can get a full week of steady good eating, I believe I can get back on track. I might even have to start tracking again... oh gawd, I hate tracking!! 

Where oh where did you go Willpower! I need you back... and quickly. 

Eggs and my gut

Ok, there is still something going on in my body. I just can't shed ANY weight no matter what I eat or don't eat. I'm still intermittent fasting and I have cut out all processed carbs. 

Scale keeps creeping up. It makes no sense. I would expect if anything it would stay the same or waver down and then back up again, but it literally is just creeping up up up. 

And here is a new thing - I can't eat eggs anymore. I used to be able to eat eggs no problem and granted I haven't had them in some time, but I know that they are a great meal for me when I'm trying to get back on track. I could eat them everyday, multiple times a day and never have a problem. 

Well, I've tried eating them 3 times in the last week, including today, and each time I get awful stomach issues and let me say, I'm very thankful I work from home! 

Something is up.  My body /gut is just not happy right now. My psoriasis is on full flare up  (has been for a few weeks) and now with the digestive issues. 

Oh it's not just eggs. As soon as I eat any vegetables, I sound like the horn section of the orchestra!  And I eat a lot of vegetables. 

Something is def up. 

I'm doing some research and seeing if I can cut things back and really simplify what I am eating to try and figure out what's going on. I have almost 0 dairy, so it's not dairy. 

If worse comes to worse, I might just do a long fast (36-48 hours) and try to do a reset in my system. There is something in there that is not happy right now AT all. 

In the meantime, I'm pulling out a detox tea that I have in my cupboard and see if that helps release some of these toxins. cant' hurt and I'm home anyways so no worries about needing to find a bathroom quickly!! 

My research continues.