Take 876

ok - so last week was just a warm up. I know I'm ready now. Today is Day 2. I will count yeserday as Day 1 even though I was horrible with food but it was big N's 13th birthday so there was bound to be food and cake... and there was.

Yesterday morning wi 206. So down .5 from last week. Not bad. Not great. Let's do this!

Today - water, toast and salad for lunch.

dinner is unknown but we can make good choices. I know we can. :)

A bit of a stumble out of the gates

Ok - so the good thing is that I'm more concious about what I'm eating and grazing on in the evenings. The bad thing is I still really struggle with "after school".. well actuall work, but I have always called it after school. The time when I walk in the door, throw my purse and bag on the stair case and head to the kitchen for a cookie, snack, what ever. I can't shake it. I'm so hungry when I get home. I think I need to plan for a mid afternoon snack (other than my banana) to keep me satisfied for the rest of the day.

Water intake has been better.

I've been home bored a lot in the evenings which tends to lead to snacking. I need to really work on that.

So the scale has not really moved, but it's not weigh in day until monday, so I still have time.

UGH. ...why can't it be easy.

Going to fill up my water bottle and come up with a plan for lunch.

A fresh start

I have not been around for awhile - and guess what? Yep, you guessed it. I have gained back all the weight that I lost. It's so depressing.

Just when I think that I'm on a road to doing the right thing, I take a break (vacation, what have you), and I fall off the wagon and usually I fall hard.

I really want to do this. I'm now 40. Ugh. I hate that and I dread going to the doctor for him to tell me I'm 40 and Fat. But I am. Not much I can do about that now.

So. Baby steps to getting on the right path again but there needs to be steps none the less.

My first step is this blog. For some reason when I'm on track, I blog and track my weight daily. I have not been doing this. Over the past few weeks,  I've been back and reading other's blogs and that seems to get me to want to be committed but I haven't made the full committment just yet.

I need to drink more water. I don't drink nearly enough. Right now I'm staring at my water bottle and i've only filled it up 2 times today and it's already 1pm. I should be on round 3 by now.  So more water.

Moving. I really need to start moving again. That is going to mean at night after work or in the gym at lunchtime. Regardless, I gotta do it.

I'm depressed that I'm heading to the cabin this summer and I won't be strong enough AGAIN to get up on the knee board.

Hopefully this is the path I can choose and next year I'll be strong enough.

1. Blog
2. Water
3. Move

and let's throw in no cookies as well.
4. No cookies.

Good luck me!

Let's see where this takes us. Today's weight 206.5. FUCK!

controlled by the number! The dreaded Number!

You know what I'm talking about. The dreaded number on the scale, the dreaded number of the size of jeans that you wear... those darn numbers that tell you that you are FAT!

I think I'm a reverse anorexic. I see myself skinny until I see a picture of myself. I look in the mirror and apart from the cellulite and scars, I think I'm decent looking. My ass is big, but it doesn't look as big in the mirror as I  know it is. My stomach feels somewhat flat, even though I know it's not.  As I strip down into my nothingness in the morning I look in the mirror and think... "yep - gotta be down another 5".. and then I step on the scale.

Motha @)O#(*@#*.... Not only am I not down 5 lbs, I'm either the same or up a lb or 2. I hate that scale. I hate that it controls my every emotion. It makes me happy for the day if it shows a loss and it kills my insides if it's higher than the day before. I hate it.

but I won't throw it out because it keeps me motivated and on track.. .as far as on track can be.

I'm the same flipping weight I have been for the last few weeks. I keep losing and gaining the same 2 lbs.

what's different. I'm not tracking my food. Especially my night time food. That is changing tonight.

I'm desperate to lose 3 lbs by Tuesday I'm flying to Hawaii the 20th of March.

Let's get serious people!!!

off to eat another cherry tomato.

BIZNITCHES!!!

3 weeks

I have 3 weeks to go until I leave for Hawaii. I had a very successful weekend shopping and managed to find 2 swimsuits and a few other items. YAY Me.

Down a few lbs too.

Gotta get serious. Maybe I can do 3 lbs this week?? Maybe?? Let's see!!!

Just over 3 weeks now

In a little over 3 weeks I will be on an airplane to paradise! I'm very excited but anxious at the same time about it. I can't wait to run my toes through the tropical sands of hawaii but we are vacationing with friends and although they are great friends, they are also "haut" friends. They will be sporting very sexy slinky clothes and I will look dumpy.

I'm disappointed that I did not take this opportunity to lose more weight. Actually I think I've only lost 5 lbs in total cause I keep yo-yoing back to my dreaded 203. UGH!

Well, I can take this 3+ weeks and grab the bull by the horns so to speak. I can do this. I can lose another few lbs (maybe 5?) and feel awesome about my self on vacation.

So - water, good clean food and no alcohol!

Let's do this bitch!

A check in...

I know nobody reads this thing so I don't know why I feel the need to update it. I think it's more of a mental check in for me!!

So.. I lost this week 1.5 lbs which is not too bad considering it was Superbowl weekend. I did not go to a Superbowl party but I did eat. :) of course!

Since Monday I've been bad. Eating cookies, chocolate etc. Bad bad bad.

I need to be better. I need to  keep exercising and I need to stay connected. Mentally