Who am I doing this for?

My answer to this question will always be myself and my loves. I'm doing it so I'm healthier and so that I hopefully have more time on this earth to spend with my babies and one day their babies .

Easy right?

So why is it so frustrating when others don't notice that I've lost? I have lost 36 lbs in 4 months and I have had very few friends comment on my weight.  Last saturday at dinner my good friend Kris said, "by the way, you look awesome!" She might have been talking about my fab outfit but I think she was actually talking about  my transformation.

Nobody else has said anything. You would think 36 lbs would be enough for people to notice. I'm down one full size in my clothes but maybe it's not enough to really tell.

We were out saturday and sunday with people that I have not seen since July so they must have noticed right?

Just needed to get that out. It shouldn't bother me, but it does. Yes, I'm doing this for ME and my loves, but I just want some sort of comment on how much work I've put in to better myself from those that don't see me everyday!!!

I cheated this weekend. It was my first non planned cheat. Saturday night R had a game and we did not get out of the arena until almost 8pm. We had no plans for dinner at all and I really did not want to go to a restaurant at that time. So we stopped by the store on the way home and picked up some boneless wings and fixins for nachos.  I only ate 3 or 4 nachos so I was good in that sense but I did eat a bunch of the chicken which was breaded. Again not terrible. And then, cause I was bored, I ate a cinnamon bun !!! It wasn't even that good. It's not terrible, but I was mad that I even bothered eating it. Slip ups are going to happen but I prefer to plan for them, not just do it cause I was bored and still a bit hungry. I must plan better with food and ensure that we have appropriate snacks at home.

There would never have been cinnamon buns at home usually, but with R at home now, I have the sweets and treats that he loves. He's 16, he can eat them and still be rake thin. Plus he sweats so much and burns so many calories working out and playing hockey all the time, he has nothing to worry about...yet! :)

So all in all the calories were not terrible, the carbs were manageable but it was my attitude that I was disappointed with. Was I mad that nobody had noticed my loss and decided that I needed that bun?

I'm up a lb this week which I'm not surprised about at all... a few other slip ups this weekend and wine friday, saturday and sunday does not help.  Oh well, back at it today!!

Coming out of the fog

The stress is slowly lifting.  Older boy seems to be less stressed at school and younger one has decided to come home. It's all good. Another year at home is not going to kill any of us, even if my home will be once again a messy disaster!!

Here is what I do have a bit more worry about - my hair loss. It's already thin to start with but I think this way of eating has exasperated the thinning.  I just bought a plethera of products online to hopefully help with it. I have also been taking biotin and collegen for a few weeks now so hopefully we will start to see some difference.

One other worry and I'm sure it's  not really a worry and even writing about it makes me think I'm silly..but I do worry about not being able to stop losing weight.

I'm currently at 172.5. No, not underweight by any means but I feel like I have not really been doing anything differently lately but the weight still comes off. This is even after a mini vacation with BEER and Wine and lots of other indulges.

I have set my new goal for 165. I'm not far from that goal now and even at that weight I will still be considered overweight... yup, I think I'm officially crazy!!  163 is what will put me into normal weight zone based on BMI scale.  So maybe I should stop worrying about something as silly as "will I ever stop losing"... to just accepting that this is working and I need to keep with it.

Now If I could only grow some hair.... on  my head!!! :)

Stressors...

Stress is wearing me down. I stress when my kids stress and both are stressing right now. The older one is stressing about an economics professor that is definitely not qualified to be teaching at a university level.  Oder one is always worried about grades and tests and gets anxiety quite often. When he gets anxiety, I stress and it's midterms right now... so will be a few weeks of stress.

Younger son is stressing because he misses home and is the only young guy on the team. He's qualified but like with every goal in life, you need to start at the bottom and work your way up. He's never been in that position before.  He called me monday night - or rather texted me and said, mom I want to come home and I don't care what you say. 

UGH!!! So he's working through it. Admitted that he's stressed and misses home but will think about it before making any decisions. I don't want him to come home. Not cause I don't love him, but I want him to push through adversity. It's hard, I know that but I think in the end he will be happy that he did so.  I won't push him to do anything and any decision is up to him in the end but you always want to see your kids succeed. Hopefully with a few less tears....

We went away for the weekend and the dog's hot spots flared again. So I think he stresses when we go away too. Older son treated them and they have started to heal but OMG... so much stress surrounding me.

Didn't sleep monday night so passed on Zumba last night. Wish I had gone as it would have been good to sweat out some thoughts.  I did sleep really well however last night.

My hair is also thinning which I think is a combination of the diet.... and stress.

I think it's time to move the aromatherapy diffuser into my office!!!  Need to google good scents for stress relief.



Monday's WI was 175.5 down 1 from last week

(so a total of 31.5 lbs lost!!!) And this after a weekend of food and drinks!