Rut

A rut. That is what I'm in. 

I will make better choices, better decisions for a day and then I'm right back into doing things and eating things that I know I should not. Things that I can't do or eat as I know they are not part of the plan to better "ME"

I've been struggling to get back into a rhythm since returning from vacation. First it was a bunch of birthday parties/celebrations, then mothers day, then my birthday and now father's day is upon us. I just can't keep making bad decisions during these celebrations. I need to reel it in and NOW!

Here is weird thing that I have discovered about myself.  I find that once I reach a GOAL, I tend to release the pressure and in a way, give up. I do this both physically and mentally. The first time  that I can recall doing this was during my eldest son's graduation from high school. I worked super hard to lose a bunch of weight, it happened, grad happened, we celebrated and then I could not get back into good habits. 

Then it happened again a few years ago when I started eating low carb and exercising, I lost the weight, got down to the 170s where I wanted so desperately to be and then the weight started creeping up. Not drastically, but I could not get down again to where I was when I met my "goal". 

And now, in April, my goal was to get ready for Hawaii and even though I did not get exactly where I wanted to, I was in a good pattern and making good habits and then the "goal" of hawaii passed and I am back where I usually am, giving up.  

It really makes me not want to set goals. But how else do we measure success? If its not on a scale or a size of clothing, how do we know we are doing the right things? 

As of yesterday I was back to 185. I haven't been doing anything crazy with my eating or drinking etc, but it's the little things that just add up. It's also me not taking accountability. Before I went to Hawaii I would weigh in daily and I kept track of my weight on a spreadsheet. I would see the ups and downs and it kept me accountable. I now weigh myself maybe every 3 or 4 days. When I saw the 185 yesterday morning, I almost threw up. I was 176 on the day we left for Hawaii so I'm almost 10 lbs up in just over a month. 

So goals have to be in my future and I need to learn to reach them and push on through them. I am not usually one for setting number goals like desired lbs to drop, so I have to set action goals. 

My first goal is to weigh in and track my weight each day this week. I need to get back on track with the accountability. 

I have to return to no snacking after work. I know that one is biting me in the butt by adding a bunch of unnecessary calories that are ending up my body and on the scale.  

I also find that when I don't post here, I don't do as well. It's my way to be accountable to myself and anyone that cares to have a read once and awhile. Somehow, writing it down, makes it that much more real. 

It's almost the summer. We socialize a lot more with friends and family in the summer and most of that socialization is with food/drink. I need to get a handle on it now so that my weight does not spiral out of control in the summer. 

I can do this... I've done it before. Time for another reset.