October 1st. It's really hard to believe we are almost through 2020. This year has been a disappointment in so many ways but it's almost over and although life doesn't immediately change at the turn of a calendar page, there is hope that 2021 will be a better year for all.
But let's start with this calendar page change. From September to October.
It's been a tough month. As mentioned before Septembers are always tough for me, mentally and this one is no exception. But my pattern has normally shown that as October rounds a corner, my mood improves and we start to plan for Christmas, which is my ULTIMATE happiness!
Nick is doing a bit better. It's going to be a long road but he's taken the first step and is much more open about talking. He has decided to take a leave from school this semester and reevaluate for next semester or next fall. There is no rush. He can return, or not, when he's ready to make that decision. He started with his counsellor last monday and it went well, but he did have an emotional setback the morning after. I explained to him that he's raw right now. Opening up lots of wounds that have scarred overtime and then need to reopen so they can heal properly. He gets it.... or at least so he says.
I have encouraged him to Journal as it helps to write your feelings down but I really don't think the male human species gets the journaling thing. I hope he starts. It will be good to have it to analyze and look back as he continues to make progress on his journey.
So things are moving forward with him, which makes me feel better.
Obviously, I've been stressed as well so this last week, my nutrition has taken a back back seat in life. There are days when I would eat an egg and a piece of pita bread or days I would eat properly. Just no appetite.
My weight has reflected that. I was down to 183.8 on monday which under normal circumstances I would be thrilled about but I know it's stress weight loss. My TOM just started as well so weight will be a little all over the place for a few days.
But all in all I believe I lost about 5 lbs this month which is not too bad considering I was on vacation the first week and eating/drinking like I was on vacation :)
Goals for this month are to keep tracking as best as possible.
I need to get more water in as well. I've been getting leg cramps at night about an hour after I go to bed so I know my electrolytes are blown to crap right now.
Here's hoping October is a good month and we start the downturn of 2020 on a high note!
Im glad your son is doing better and on the path to recovery and the path to learning foe to deal with the monster of depression in his life.
ReplyDeleteRemember to take care of yourself. The worry and mothering instinct is natural...but you have to take time for yourself to refresh yourself in order to have more to give him!
I think you did great this month, especially with so much emotional upheaval. And you are right about journaling. The fact that so many of us write blogs is testament to its worth, to just getting the words out.
ReplyDeleteYes MaryFran. I'm so happy that he has reached out and I hope it was early enough to help him find a recovery and coping tools. I tend to push myself aside and ensure my babies are well, but you are right, I have to be well first. Thanks.
ReplyDelete6 month - I hope he starts the journaling and yes!! you are right about the blog. It does help to get the words out! thanks!
ReplyDeleteMaybe Nick will secretly start journaling? ...I think we all have hope for 2021 as it rears it's head around the corner. I hope you feel better, you could even start a countdown to Christmas if it helps! ...80 days!! *hugs*
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