The Shorts

Over the last few years, I've managed to lose upwards of 35 lbs and for the most, kept it off. About 18 did creep back in 2020 but I've lost just about all of those 18 lbs now. I think I have 3 to go. 

So, I've done well. I know I move better, that my body is healthier and that my clothes are fitting so much better. I actually feel GREAT on some mornings when I put on my clothes and look in the mirror. Oddly, I do not have a full length mirror in my bathroom or bedroom so I never really truly know how I look from head to toe. But my upper half looks good to me! 

For the last 10 years or so I have had ONE pair of shorts that I would wear.  They are jersey fabric, loose, with a tie string waist so they have fit me when I was 215 and now at 170.  I caught sight of myself in our security footage last week and could not believe how ugly those shorts were. I always thought they were cute.  They were WAY too big on me and somehow my body looked unbalanced. 

So I decided to pull out my "vacation shorts" and some that I recently bought. Much shorter and more tailored and I actually wore them out shopping this weekend, so IN PUBLIC. I usually would only wear my vacation shorter shorts either on vacation or on truly hot days and only in the backyard. But I am trying to get past the fact that nobody actually cares how I look and they are not staring at me hoping I would have just lost another 10-15 before attempting to wear shorts. 

So I've been feeling good. It's been a struggle but I'm getting there and proud that I feel better in my own skin.  Well guess what, this time when I looked on my security footage, loading things into my car.  I looked frumpy and a lot bigger than I thought I was. UGH

I know it's self-confidence. I know that I am feeling and looking so much better than I was before but I still have issues when I see a photo (or video) of myself and I don't look as good as I imagined I did. 

It's something I know I have to work on. I love myself much more than I did years ago but it will be a struggle for awhile longer. 

Until then, I will press on and in the meantime, I need to go add some sunless tanner to my legs cause them babies sure are white compared to the rest of me!